i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
