eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
