Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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