NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
