Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
