Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
