guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
