The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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