Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
