I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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