Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
