I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
