Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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