What did we do last night that was yellow?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
