he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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