Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
