I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
