I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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