Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
