i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
