Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
