No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
