you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
