I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
