I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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