I faked an abortion last night.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
