My Higher Power is John Stamos
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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