I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
