Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
