Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
