im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I died a long time ago.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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