That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize