I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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