i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
