Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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