Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
