please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
