Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
