she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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