take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
