my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
be right there i have to get my cape
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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