He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
