the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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