How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
