I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he fucked my hip out of place.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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