you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
