I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
