I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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