Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
