I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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