Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
