so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
