I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
