i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We left the knife in your bed.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
