If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
