the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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