3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
