So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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