apparently the secret to your success is patron
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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