I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
