i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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