it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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