What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
