My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
