A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize