Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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