She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize