dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
