You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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