Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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