What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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