i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
