But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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